Dream. Aspire. Live.

I cannot believe it is nearly April - 3 whole months into 2015. Say what?! I know time tends to move a lot faster the older you get, especially when you are enjoying life, but still - I never imagined that weeks would speed on by as fast as they have done recently. Literally, every Friday for the past 2 months, I have said 'I cannot believe it's Friday again.' 

I guess I'm a bit concerned because this year I turn the big 'THREE OH'. Where...WHERE did my twenties go? I always remember my mom and dad telling my brother and me when we were little, to never wish our lives away and now I truly see what they were talking about. I think back on my twenties - my 21st birthdays (because I had about 4 parties) seem like just yesterday. Then I think back to me graduating from varsity and being petrified of the real world. The elation that came with my first ever job offer after my first ever interview and the nervousness I felt when I received a new job offer after that one and had to resign from the first one. At the time, these moments seemed so scary and daunting, however looking back now - I wish I could go back and savour each moment a bit more - truly live each experience, no matter which part of that rollercoaster of events I was on.

I'll be honest, turning 30 is somewhat scary for me, not because I am afraid of getting old or anything like that, but because I have gone through thirty years of my life already - so quickly. I have always been a firm believer that only those who believe they are old actually feel old, after all - 'age only counts if you are a cheese or a wine.' I have always felt and quite honestly believed that I am a few years younger than what I have always been. When I turned 25, I said I was 22. Turning 28 I only felt around 23-ish, and now that I am turning 30, I really only feel about 24. Yes, there have been times where I have felt a lot older than what I am - those times of stress and disarray, and I can see how and why stress can make you look and feel older, how it depleats you of your youth and vibrance. The answer here? Stop being stressed and start being awesome. Easier said than done - yes. But what have you got to lose in actually just living in your moment? This is something I am taking with me into my thirties, and to be frank - it's about time.

The past 5 months have been an amazing journey for me; moving to a new and sometimes rather backward country, starting a completely new profession, learning my way around new roads and suburbs, dealing with electricity and water issues, making new friends, missing old friends, missing family more than I ever thought possible, raising 2 bunnies, continuing my studies (ok I still haven't started that yet but hey I have the material), teaching amazing students, teaching some really difficult students, teaching beautiful, young, vibrant children and generally just getting on with LIFE. It hasn't been easy, no. But has it been worth it? Abso-f-ing-lutely. For the first time in a very long time (i'm not going to say 'ever' because I'm sure as a kid I was extremely care-free), I feel like I am actually living. I look forward to new days, I actually look forward to the next challenge, and I savour in the good moments more than I have ever done. There is SO much beauty in the smallest of things, and I have had the privilege of experiencing some of those moments for myself ever since I moved here. What has it taken? Me simply allowing it to happen. Letting go of the constant need for control. Letting go of the 'what if's' and the 'buts'. Going into my thirties, I feel like I actually know who I am. And therefore, I welcome that with open arms. 

It's amazing how worked up we (and by that I mean I) tend to get about something that hasn't even happened yet. We spring to conclusions about an outcome that isn't even guaranteed and therefore we act in a certain way until the experience actually happens. I have done a lot of reading and I have had several people in my life share information with me about how we tend to approach situations and act in one of two ways - either out of fear or out of love. This initial manner can literally drive the whole course in one direction. I personally have had many experiences where I immediately fear the outcome before it has even happened. This gets me into a stressed out frenzy, and each action and interaction up until the final stages of the whole event are affected this way - often faced with negativity and fear. And yet more often than not, the whole outcome turns out to be a lot less frightening or daunting than what I initially thought it would be. 

It's not easy to act out of love all the time and I think that is because we have grown up in a world where it's survival of the strongest - do or let others do to you as they wish. We immediately have our guards up - from the get-go we are acting out of fear. I was listening to my brother who was on an online radio show called 'The Good Stuff'. This particular show broadcasts news about really good things going on in South Africa and elsewhere in the world. My brother and the host, Brent mentioned how common it is to hear such negative news and that when people hear good news, or positive stories, they almost question what is going on. We cannot just accept good things happening, without questioning the motive and this is so true in a lot of things in our own personal lives. We immediately think about the negative outcome as opposed to the positive one - why?

I recently listened to a speech by Jim Carey and it completely moved me to the point that I was determined to listen to this speech every morning to start my day. Ok ok - so that didn't happen - I didn't listen to it every day, but his words have stuck with me and I try and use them as often as I can. 'So many of us chose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it.' 'If you can fail at what you don't want, you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.' 

In the past I have always thought - well that's easy for someone like Jim Carey to say - he's famous, has so much money and no wonder he dares to take chances - what has he got to lose. But then one day it just so happened that I personally took that very chance. Me. Denise Laura Taylor. I made the decision to change my life, and every action I took from that day led me to where I am now - most often than not without me even being aware of it. And every action I have taken since I started my new life in Zim, has led me to even more beautiful experiences and interactions. Am I on the right path? I most certainly think so, and if I'm not, well for now it's pretty darn sweet. You're probably reading this thinking, 'Really? Has it all really been so smooth and amazing? Is it really all peaches and cream?' No it hasn't been easy and no it's not a fluffy dessert all the time. Often I have had to really force myself to be positive about something, sometimes not even getting to being positive. But then, like I mentioned, when the event comes to fruition and all is not a train-smash, I kick myself, thinking why the hell did I act like that? So I'm really trying to approach new things in a different manor now going forward, not only to 'think positively' but mostly to avoid the stress and irritation that comes with immediately thinking that it's just going to be a bad ending.

Just last night I taught a class at a ladies gym. I have about 5 or 6 regular ladies who attend practice each week and it is the most rewarding experience every single time. I decided to push them a little bit this week, and started guiding them into a few arm balances. One of them said to me 'Denise - I just feel like I'm going to fall.' I thought back to when I first tried a similar posture and I too felt that way. My body just did not seem to be doing what the instructor was saying it should do and I could just picture my face crashing down into the ground. What was my teacher's response at the time? 'So then fall. What is the worst that could happen? You may take a tumble, but you're right next to the ground and I doubt you are going to hurt yourself.' I remember thinking about this, plucking up the courage and just going for it. Yes I fell, I fell a few times that same class and a few classes after that. But one day it just happened. My body just lifted and I felt amazing. So last night, I encouraged this paticular lady to try again and even though she didn't quite get all the way up, you could see that she was at least willing to try. All of those ladies were, and that's what makes my job amazing. From that moment, it was like all of them just felt so comfortable to open up to me, asking lots of questions about postures and 'how to's' etc. It was wonderful! Instead of acting out of fear and just going ahead with whatever I told them to do, they started acting out of love. Sometimes you might think your questions are so stupid but let's be honest here - how are you ever going to know if you never ask? We had such a fun class and I know that next time, these ladies will feel even more confident going into postures they haven't tried before. As Jim Carey also said, 'Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.' 

The past couple of weeks have been absolutely eye-opening for me. I have tried things I never thought I would, been through ups and downs and experiences which are completely out of my control, and I have questioned so many things along the way. At the time, some of these experiences seemed so frustrating, so down-right unfair, so exhausting and completely depleated me of my energy - some still do! But at the same time so many things have given me so much energy, restored my faith in people, and challenged me only so far that I actually come out ok - sometimes even on top. I have had to make decisions which haven't been a walk in the park, but once made, it's like a huge weight lifted from me. And I am so lucky that I have absolutely the right people with me all the way. This is an attestation to me TAKING that chance, choosing to stop fearing the result and just living in my moment.

I am not famous, I don't have a lot of money, I am simply a 29 (nearly 30) year old South African female, living in Harare, trying to make the most out of whatever situation. So take it from me - dare to live; to take the chances you think will never work, because yes you may come out second best, but at least you've tried at that thing that you love, that thing that drives your inner fire, instead of just accepting what is. Ask the questions you have been dying to ask. Make a fool out of yourself. If you don't - how will you ever know? So many people choose to stay in a place of comfort. Or rather - of discomfort if they actually think about it. So this is the time to ask - why? Yup that ground may come crashing into your face when you fall. But the ground is still there for you to plant your feet back onto and get straight back up. That same ground that may hurt you when you fall down, will be the support you need when you rise again. 

Go into new situations with love, not fear. Instead of immediately fearing the worst, just try for even a small second to imagine that everything will be okay. It may be a bumpy ride yes, but ultimately you need to dream big, aspire for the best in YOU, and 100% LIVE in your moment.

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?” 
― Erin Hanson

SaZiYogi: Three months in Zimbabwe…what I have loathed, what...

SaZiYogi: Three months in Zimbabwe…what I have loathed, what...: First of all, Happy New Year to all my beautiful followers. I truly believe that this year has a multitude of potential for the person with...

Three months in Zimbabwe…what I have loathed, what I have learnt, and what I have loved…

First of all, Happy New Year to all my beautiful followers. I truly believe that this year has a multitude of potential for the person with the right attitude and that there is so much good to come from 2015. May you all find peace, happiness, prosperity and love this year and may your hearts be filled with compassion and humility. I really wish the world could truly become a restored and nonviolent place, where life is celebrated and freedom comes effortlessly. Only time will tell…

It’s taken me a while to get back into the swing of things after the festive break. Even though we were only ‘on holiday’ for just over 2 weeks, it honestly feels like it has been months since I felt like I was in some sort of routine. I am however, slowly but surely getting back into it and finding the normality in my crazy life once more.

The 7^th January marked three months for me in Zimbabwe since I moved here from SA. When I realized that, I actually couldn't believe it. To think that I have been living in Harare and teaching Yoga for a quarter of a year seems so unrealistic. I guess it is true that time flies when you are having fun hey?

So I had a good think about the last three months for me in this beautiful yet unforgiving place and realized how much I have actually learnt in that time. Moving to a new country is never easy, however moving here hasn't been all that bad, and I do feel like I am beginning to genuinely find my feet. Yes, I have had my ups and downs and sometimes the downs seem like they’re never going to go back up. And there definitely are certain traits of Zim which I would prefer to not have to live through, but I guess that’s life and you can only grow from experiencing the good as well as the bad.

The first thing which springs to mind is the power cuts. I find this rather amusing because recently South Africa has been going through load-shedding and just reading the comments on Facebook and hearing about the general feeling of people towards these outages, makes me giggle. In Zim, you’re happy if you have a power cut that lasts the ‘normal’ period of time of about 6 – 8 hours. That’s a ‘good’ power cut and you generally make do with candles or an inverter or if needs be, a generator. In South Africa, I hear people complaining about a 3 hour power cut. Not only complaining but also updating violently aggressive statuses and HATING Eskom passionately. Don’t get me wrong, I know how they feel - I was there. However being in Zim, you learn to live with it like it’s part of your normal week. If you don’t have a power cut at least once a week, something must be wrong. You get home from work and breathe a sigh of relief when you see a few lights on in the neighbour’s house, knowing you can cook and eat and watch tv in peace without the hum of a few generators. And when you do have a power cut which happens to last more than 8 hours, well you literally can’t do much about it. You cannot complain to anyone about it. No one answers phones, no one responds to emails. Unless you have a human connection on the inside who can give you some information (for an under-handed fee of course,) you’re pretty much at the mercy of Zesa’s schedule, no matter how irregular, unpredictable or erratic it is.

Another thing that took me a while to figure out was the road system here. I thought it would be pretty much the same as where I am from, being still in Africa and all. In SA you drive on the left-hand side of the road, give way at a ‘Give Way’ intersection, stop at a ‘Stop’ sign; it’s a case of give way to the right or to whomever was first at a traffic circle, and if lights are out, you treat the intersection as a four-way stop. So when driving on the left-hand side of the road here in H-Town, I thought ‘ah this is a breeze and I've got this nailed.’ The only concern I had was finding my way around. Boy have I never been so wrong! ‘Give Ways’ are intersections where if you do not come to a DEAD stop – you will likely be fined the standard fine of $20. Why not put up a ‘Stop’ sign then?? At traffic circles or ‘roundabouts’ as we Saffa’s like to call them, it’s a case of what I see as, whomever is going fastest – has right of way. Apparently in Zim you have intersections where you should know which road out of the 2 or 3 intersecting, is the ‘main road’. Should you be on this apparent main road – well hey, you are free to go. Should you be on the other roads, you have to wait. Say again?? How is one supposed to know which is the main road?? And what if the traffic on the main road never ceases?? That is something I am still figuring out. The same with traffic lights that are out because of our trusty power cuts. You can sit for sometimes 5 to 10 minutes waiting for fellow travelers on the ‘main road’ to power on through. Only once clear, can you and the other minions on the non-main road carry on your journey. It’s mind-boggling but an adventure nonetheless. One blessing is that traffic here is absolutely nothing compared to what I was used to, so go figure they can actually make up their own rules as they go. And another blessing is that I pretty much know my way around now – great feeling!

Life here is amazingly relaxing. Yes, I often stress that me teaching yoga isn't bringing enough money to help pay the household expenses, but for now it is enough to get by and live, and I think for me, that has been the hardest thing to come to terms with. No longer is my life revolved around money – car payments, rent, medical aid, cats bills, food expenses, saving for your future and making it to the end of the month with literally R5 in your bank-account. It may sound strange but I have found it extremely difficult to actually completely relax here in a lot of ways. To take a breath and let life happen around me; to enjoy what we have and to actually live in the moment. Before, I was planning my life around the day of the month – pay day. Now, I don’t even have a bank account, I get paid so sporadically and different amounts depending on the number of students who attend my class – yet, we make it work. No more miss independent over here. I thankfully have a partner in life and we tackle things together and even though it has taken me a while to accept that, I count it as a true blessing. I am so passionate about what I do now, that I actually look forward to Mondays, don’t loathe Sundays, and the week days feel just as good as the weekends because you are treasuring every moment as opposed to stressing about tomorrow. Of course you are still planning ahead and of course money is factored into that plan. We are busy saving for a trip to Australia to go and see my Dad and we are constantly trying to save where we can because you just never know what might happen. However what I have learnt is that life should be lived, you should enjoy the money you do make, however little it may be. To do things which make your heart happy, things that take away the pressures of another day in the future which is not even guaranteed – that’s called ‘living your life’.

I fully credit my life change, my mindset change and my ability to relax and see the positive – to Yoga. I finally have a purpose and that is to teach what I love. The people I have met along this journey of mine are people I can call friends even after a mere lunch or coffee together, because of how they completely and utterly relate to all I am. Yoga has brought me to where I am today and for that I am eternally grateful. In SA while completing my hours, I met so many stunning individuals whom I took so many lessons from. I even managed to get my mom, my brother and my boyfriend to enjoy yoga, even before I had started teaching and I credit that to what yoga offers, not only in a physical way but also mentally, spiritually and emotionally. The yoga community here in Zim is still small but seems to be getting stronger by the day. I am so fortunate to have been given an opportunity to teach here straight out of graduating from my teacher training, and to make my classes my own. It was nerve-wracking to begin with of course but I've been told that that is perfectly normal. The fear of the unknown, the absolute anxiety about teaching a class which people may not enjoy. But you find your feet and once you are there, it’s like you have an ‘ahhh’ moment where everything just seems to fall into place. You have those students who may attend one class and never come back – it’s ok. They may be on a different path to the one you’re on and not everyone is going to like you. You also have those students who keep you coming back for more because their energy is so infectious and so uplifting, you cannot wait to see them again. And then to top it all off, every now and again a student will say something so heart-touching like ‘I cannot wait for your next class’ or ‘that was just what I needed,’ that you literally forget about any anxiety you ever had teaching a yoga class in the beginning and you go home feeling so alive and at peace. Yoga is not for everyone, but for me it was calling me for a while and finally I listened, took that not-so-easy step and look where I am now.

Bottom line, life isn't a walk in the park. It isn't about being handed things on a silver platter and sailing through without a single care in the world. It’s not about harboring resentment for past mistakes, holding on to the negative or even over-stressing about tomorrow. Life is exactly what it is – LIFE. You only have one. You only get one chance to make something of yourself that you feel good about and proud of. Start living; start enjoying; start seeing the moment for what it is and capturing those moments which steal your breath. Then do yoga and find your breath again J

 Look at me…  I live in Zimbabwe… I teach Yoga…and I absolutely, every day - love my life.