Monday, November 17, 2014

Taking it as it comes, letting go of what you don't need, and making the most out of your situation.


Things tend to happen in life which can either send you spiralling into a twisted whirlwind of confusion, angst and anger OR you can swing it around for yourself, send that tornado swirling in a different direction, and use what gets hurled at you to propel you forward in a favourable direction. For a lot of people, including myself, this concept sometimes seems so annoying because you know it's true but you just can't fathom how you can turn it around in a certain situation or during a certain time of your life. The thought of changing things so that they work in your favour even when it seems like everything is crumbling around you is just frustrating and impossible at times and even though you may master it in one instance, come the next time and you just feel a hundred times more confused, anxious and angry and simply want to throttle anyone and everyone who has the above mindset of ‘making it work’.

I’ve met a number of really different and unique individuals in my life. Those who see the world through a lens of negativity and unconstructiveness; those who simply cannot wait to wake up in the morning to seize that new moment and make it their own, and then those people who are a combination of the two – no wait – not quite a combination, but simply ‘neutral in life’. It’s so interesting to me to witness these individuals who are one or the other. I’m not coming from a place of judgement at all, merely observation. I personally don’t understand how someone can be happy all the time, neither can I understand and relate to an individual who literally cannot seem to find the positive in absolutely anything, ever. What I have learnt however, is that it is ok to let go of anyone who no longer fulfils you on your journey, whether temporarily or on a more permanent basis.

On this incredible ride I have been on the past year, I have had to acknowledge and deal with circumstances which have not been simple and effortless but rather challenging and quite taxing, a lot of which have involved taking a good hard look at the people in my life. I am the type of person who enjoys being friendly to everyone, sometimes giving a lot more of myself to the relationship than what I get back in return. At one stage, not so long ago, I felt like I had close on 50 ‘good’, close friends whom I would invite to anywhere I was organising something fun. Did they all pitch or even bother to rsvp? Of course not. Did they invite me to wherever they were going – not often no. Did they call me on my birthday or to even just check in and chat out of the blue? Well now the list was seriously starting to diminish. So why was I always giving of myself to these people and constantly seeking their attention? Well, that’s something I am still trying to figure out.

It is however such an eye-opening experience realising that you are ok on your own. Learning to enjoy being by yourself and loving yourself isn’t straight-forward but it’s only when you know who you truly are and what you honestly want from life, that you begin to see how having the right people in your life can truly benefit you. It was tricky for me to simply let the others go, one because I thought they were my friends, but two because I didn’t want to hurt them. Ridiculous right? Friendship is not a numbers game. It’s not a competition to see who has more or who has the most people rock up at a birthday. If you only ever have one true, good, honest friend in your life but who knows you and loves you and develops you, then you are blessed. And I am definitely blessed with the friendships I have today, even though I have relocated to a different country and will probably only see those people three times a year.

It is this which I took with me when I left.  Knowing that I have that support and unconditional and unwavering love from my friends and family was what drove me through the process. Starting out in a new country will also have its challenges – you have to start all over again with new friendships and building new relationships. But luckily this time around, I know who I am and I know what I want from my life. So yes I may meet people along the way whom I will be friendly with, but if there isn’t that bond, and that reciprocation then why give to the relationship more than you should right? Not everyone gets the chance to start life over, to sail with the wind in a completely different direction. Why ruin that chance by making the same choices which led you to a bit of a dead-end before.

There is so much opportunity in Zimbabwe which not a lot of people realise. I’m not talking work-wise or money-wise (even though that is true as well); I am talking about the type of lifestyle you have available to you to experience and the beautiful friendships you have the potential to make. When people get together at family gatherings, dinners, braais or whatever it may be, the conversation isn’t solely about what so-en-so saw so-en-so doing and the gossip from the weekend. It’s about reminiscing on over twenty years of friendship, laughing with each other because you know each other so well and joking about the small things in life. Here, solid friendships aren’t built in nightclubs and social events, work or the gym. They are built because you experience LIFE together and tackle things as a unit. I think Zim going through its rough patches has actually done wonders for families and friends because those who are still here, really want to be here and want to see it work out. They want to start their own families here because they know the type of childhood there is to have and to experience. I was at my boyfriend’s folks place this weekend and was playing with his nephew in the garden. What was so awesome was to hear how this little boy’s dad grew up in the same house, climbed the same tree and nearly drowned in the same pool! How amazing that one house can hold so many memories that generation after generation get to relive some of the experiences and make their own similar memories which will be treasured forever?

Zim truly has stolen my heart. No, it has not been easy adjusting but it’s been a lot easier than I had expected and completely manageable. Small things take a lot of getting used to. For one – the heat. What struck me the most was walking into a grocery store on a scorcher day and seeking out that beautiful cold bottle of water to drink to try and quench your unquenchable thirst. You make your way to the fridges, open the doors and as you grab a bottle, this overwhelming sense of disappointment takes over as you realise how warm the bottles are. In true Denise style, I move all the front bottles to the side and hunt for one at the back, praying it will be cold but no such luck. This place is so hot that even the fridges can’t stay cold! But alas, I love it. Waking up to the sun coming up early and feeling that delicious heat on your skin is unique even for someone who used to live in Durban. Another thing which really does sometimes get to you are the power cuts. Just when you have prepared that beautiful cake to be baked or dinner to be cooked, off goes the power. The most common sound in Zim is that of a generator and to be honest it has become quite soothing! Even with all the power cuts, you make the best out of a somewhat tricky situation. Sitting around a table lit with candles, actually talking to each other instead of watching a movie or that series you’re both addicted to, makes you realise whether or not you are with the right person. My boyfriend and I talk for hours in the dark, laugh and mare each other – bottom line is, we make the most of the time we have together.

I still have so much to experience here and that for me is one of the best things in my life right now. Whether it be driving past the guys playing checkers on a painted tree stump, the man selling airtime on the street corner who dances and sings as you drive by, the incredible lack of road etiquette (you thought SA was bad with the taxis,) the potholes, the boreholes, the generators and invertors, Zim has something to enjoy or to marvel at for everyone. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea – not everyone likes tea anyway! Give it a chance – you just might like it J

In love and light,

Denise

Monday, November 10, 2014

The country of colour and a city engulfed in purple.

I have visited Zim a few times over the past year and to be honest with you, after my last visit in July, I wasn't impressed.  The thought of moving here from Northern Johannesburg was, to put it lightly - terrifying.  It was obviously winter in Harare, and unlike winter in Johannesburg where you still saw trees of green and red roses too, in Harare, there was nothing but brown.  The roads seemed even worse than they had before in terms of potholes and mess; the trees bare with nothing but grey, jagged, thirsty branches.  Life from an 'outsider's' point of view just seemed so different.  What was I actually doing?  Was I really thinking of moving here, changing my life completely?

Let me tell you a little about myself so you might be able to relate a little easier.  I was born in Johannesburg, grew up in Howick and Durban, spent close on 4 years in the UK working at a beautiful hotel named Great Fosters, came back to Johannesburg to complete my studies, and this is where I spent a good 8 years exploring my twenties.  I worked at the best nightclub in South Africa while at varsity, made the most amazing friends whom I treasure to this day, and spent my time and money on socialising, eating out, dancing, studying and basically rushing around from one event to the next, whether it be for fun or for necessity.

In Johannesburg you plan your day, no wait - your life around the traffic.  For instance: Tuesday - Doctor's appointment in the morning, quick grocery shopping after work and bikram yoga at 18h30.  Doctor's appointment at 10h00, hmmm ok - that means I need to leave home by 06h30 to get to work early and put in a few hours (that way I will miss the traffic); leave work by 09h00 to get to the doctor's rooms in time (just in case there's traffic;) leave doctor's appointment at 10h45, not too much traffic at that time - should be ok to get back to work by 11h30.  Back to work at 11h50 - there was an accident on the M1.  Ideal afternoon situation - finish work at 17h00 but not going to leave at that time because there is way too much traffic, will leave at 17h30, hit the shops by 17h50, quick dash around the shops, leave by 18h10 to get to yoga to have enough time to change and make it to the class by 18h30.  Reality?  Still stuck in traffic at 18h45, missed yoga, too grumpy to tackle the shops which close at 19h00; go home, watch an episode (or 3) of whichever marathon series you have downloaded and are now addicted to, simultaneously checking your emails, Facebook, Twitter, and Skype, all the while consciously thinking about what time you need to leave in the morning to avoid traffic and get to work by 08h00.  Is this really living your life?

Yes, if you're the type of person who loves spending time in the car, or perhaps has a reason to always be on the road, then this sort of thing wouldn't bother you.  It did however begin to bother me.  Whenever I would see friends, they would comment at how angry I used to get with the traffic, saying my Facebook updates were nothing but seething all the time.  I started living life through eyes of annoyance and resentment.  I would go to bed angry, wake up angry, and hate the time in between.  Slowly but surely this spiraled into me becoming a very negative and downbeat type of person and the small celebrations of life went out the window.  Of course it wasn't only the traffic getting me down, there were a number of different incidents which happened in slow and steady succession and my life took a sharp turn for the worst where it seemed like there was just not much to live for anymore.  It is not easy being in that frame of mind at all, especially when you are naturally a fun-loving, spirited individual who usually thrives off the small, valuable moments of life.

I was always hesitant when people would say to me 'stay positive, good things are coming'.  It seemed so difficult to accept that things would turn around for the best for me because so much just seemed to be going wrong all the time.  The power of positive thought however, is in fact a very true and wonderful phenomenon.  I never wanted to believe it, but one day I thought to myself 'why not?'  I started to live life differently moment by moment, day by day.  It was a case of changing my mindset and tackling the troublesome times with positive mind.  The moment I did that, life started shifting.  It was a long process, not easy in the slightest, but steadily things started to improve.  I met the man I know I am meant to be with, got offered a new job, moved into a beautiful little cottage and started my yoga teacher training all in the space of 6 months.  From there it was like I was smooth sailing for the first time in a very long time and it felt great.

I threw myself into my yoga, focused on making my job a success and concentrated on making the long-distance relationship with my man a priority, even though I was always one of those cynics who did not think long-distance relationships could work, no matter how hard a couple tried.  I am blessed that I was so wrong about that.  Even through the distance, I felt closer to my boyfriend than I have ever felt with anyone.  I finally knew the meaning of true love and I valued and appreciated the times we would get to spend together, no matter how quickly they went by or how far apart they were.  I had never felt like I had a partner in life, a true best friend who would do anything for me, until now.

People asked me all the time why I decided to move to Zimbabwe of all places, and they still do to this day.  My answer was and is simple - for love.  Life can be taken away from you so quickly and sometimes you need to do something completely out of your comfort zone whether it be for love, health, happiness or work related reasons.  You should never have to justify your decisions to anyone but yourself, because at the end of the day, it's your life and you only get the one.  So yes, I decided to make that move, to resign from my corporate job, sell some of my life's collections and pack up the rest of them, my two cats and myself, and head to Harare, Zimbabwe to be with the man I adore and the person who believed in me and everything I wanted from my life.

I've now been here a month and wow, what a change to my life.  Just over a year ago, dreams coming true was so far-fetched, but mine certainly are starting to become a reality.  Would I have chosen to move to Zim if I had other options?  Probably not.  But I took the leap of courage and I am so happy I did.

Harare literally took my breath away when we arrived a month ago.  I have never seen so many beautiful trees.  The streets are covered in a velvety blanket of purple from the fallen Jacaranda leaves, houses surrounded by Bougainvillia bushes which envelope the walls in deep, dark pink security.  The sheer size of the trees is what is so incredible and you spend of all your time looking up towards the sky, taking it all in that you forget about the potholes and the state of the roads.  There are quaint little nurseries on the sides of the roads and adorable plant shops in nearly every shopping centre - when last did you go to a nursery, let alone buy a plant?  It is actually overwhelming how stunning it is, something I definitely appreciate after seeing it so dull a few months ago.

Life in Harare is not about the latest fashion and the fanciest cars, it's not about the most expensive appliances, the latest diet trends, the who's who of the what what.  It's about LIVING.  Weekends are spent with friends around a braai, drinks on a massive rock which overlooks the city, fishing on one of the lakes or even just chilling at home watching a good movie (if you have power.)  You begin to appreciate things you have always taken for granted, such as time with family and friends, electricity, clean water and a petrol station which stays open past 9pm when you have those sweet cravings or actually need to fill up your car.

Yes it is a struggle with the economy and there are times when you question if life in Zim is sustainable under certain conditions, but for now I am happy to be where I am.  And I know of a lot of people in Harare who feel the same way.  Here it's about making the best of the moment, the current situation, the here and the now.  It's about waking up in the morning, feeling that glorious heat on your skin as you step outside and it's about choosing to be happy.  You pass street vendors every day who make a living creating beautiful artworks or constructing furniture or even just selling airtime, and they are always so happy to see you when you drive up to them.  If they can celebrate life and each new interaction, who am I to not give this place the chance it deserves.

I certainly have been blessed by being given the opportunity to start over and to live the life I want to. Pursuing a dream is scary and daunting and certainly not a walk in the park, but it sure beats living a life according to how busy the highway is going to be and working so hard at making living that you completely forget to make a life.

Till next time...

Denise

Monday, November 3, 2014

Jozi to H-Town, a journey of love, courage and beauty...


First things first - hi there!  My name is Denise Laura Taylor and this is a blog I have created to share my journey with you, a journey I am very proud to be on and very excited to explore further.  

I like to think of my life as being rather unique, solely because of the rare and exceptional people whom I have had the privilege of sharing it with up until now.  No one else has had the blessing of the exact combination of individuals coming into their lives, whom I have met and learnt some amazing lessons from as well as some very tough ones.  However, to some, my life may seem pretty normal and that’s ok, I’m not complaining or trying to purposefully differentiate myself.  I’m alive, I’m healthy and I am on an adventure which I merely want to put into writing so that others out there can perhaps relate to where I am at the moment and share in the experiences of life, love, appreciation and wonder.

Today, I am 29 years and 4 months old.  I was born and grew up in Johannesburg, South Africa, one of the most beautiful countries on this planet. I am a gentle person with a big heart for those I hold close.  I adore animals (especially cats,) enjoy a good red vino, live for fun and passion and I work hard.  My friends and family mean the world to me, and I thrive on laughter and love.  I have a huge appreciation for yoga and strive to one day inspire others as to how I am finally living my dream of teaching, having recently obtained my Yoga Certification.  I recently shape-shifted my entire life to relocate to Harare, Zimbabwe to be with the man I love and to start something amazing together in a truly magical country, that is sometimes severely misunderstood.

'Jozi' as I so fondly call my hometown, is a glorious place - full of energy and passion. Unless you stay within your safe and comforting walls at home, you are bound to encounter something in your day which either makes you want to cry, scream, swear, laugh or run for your life; from taxi arrogance, to endless traffic, to the bustling walk-ways where heads are down, gazes are to some sort of electronic device and personal interactions are very few and far between.  Then you also have the ever-animated street vendors selling everything from a telephone line which somehow works from the side of the road, to sweets and chips and also the occasional live animal.  Basically, Jozi never shuts down.  It is a place where you discover a lot about yourself and a place where you are given the freedom to explore your aspirations and to pursue those dreams you have had since you were old enough to realise that what you are doing with your life is not what you really want to be doing in the slightest.

Fondly named the 'New York' of Africa by my brother, for the immense potential the city has to literally change your life, Johannesburg did just that for me.  I experienced trials, troubles and tribulations which tested who I am and what I believe in; as well as got to revel in and celebrate the ecstasy of true and honest friendships, where nights were too short and no amount of pilates could beat the core workout we got from laughing for hours!  Jozi was my home, my teacher, my guide. It was the place where I learnt how to drive like a pro, dice through traffic like the taxis, stand up for myself like a lawyer and basically where I discovered that I had two very capable feet which I could stand on and use to walk in any direction I wanted to.  So I did just that.

Having obtained a BCom Degree in Finance and Human Resources, and worked for some pretty amazing and well-known companies, I always saw myself climbing that corporate ladder (which never really seemed to end.)  However I was always longing for something more in my life and was never one hundred percent content with where I was or what I was doing.  Until one day I decided to follow my dream of completing a yoga teacher-training course.  Of course at first it was what seemed like a 'pie-in-the-sky' kind of reverie, but I slowly and surely continued on the journey of a 3 month intensive course, followed by 5 months of completing my yoga hours, and then studying and preparing for my practical exam.  This all came to fruition when I received my Yoga Certification and can finally call myself a Yoga Teacher. Me - a yoga teacher? Yes - I, Denise Laura Taylor am qualified to teach yoga.

So where to now...?  Well, this is the basis of my blog going forward.  I now live in Harare, Zimbabwe. For the time being I am going to be teaching a few classes at one of the studios close by - Lotus Yoga, as well as building my networks to start taking private lessons as well as specialised and unique classes. I want to be able to share with you, my readers, what it is like to move from the magnificent, turbulent, corporate life in Johannesburg to the charming and sometimes testing, vivacity of life in Zimbabwe, the place I now refer to as 'home', and the place where my new life is just beginning.  I want to be able to share with you the encounters I have had during the move from South Africa to Zimbabwe – hence ‘SaZi’ – including all the small, wonderful, intricate happenings and events along the way; giving you a petite yet authentic look into my life. 

I hope you enjoy and please feel free to send me feedback, I would love to hear from you.

Till next time, always in peace and in love…

Namastẻ