Things tend to happen in life which can either send you spiralling
into a twisted whirlwind of confusion, angst and anger OR you can swing it around for
yourself, send that tornado swirling in a different direction, and use what
gets hurled at you to propel you forward in a favourable direction. For a lot
of people, including myself, this concept sometimes seems so annoying because
you know it's true but you just can't fathom how you can turn it around in a
certain situation or during a certain time of your life. The thought of changing
things so that they work in your favour even when it seems like everything is
crumbling around you is just frustrating and impossible at times and even
though you may master it in one instance, come the next time and you just feel
a hundred times more confused, anxious and angry and simply want to throttle
anyone and everyone who has the above mindset of ‘making it work’.
I’ve met a number of really different and unique individuals in my
life. Those who see the world through a lens of negativity and
unconstructiveness; those who simply cannot wait to wake up in the morning to
seize that new moment and make it their own, and then those people who are a
combination of the two – no wait – not quite a combination, but simply ‘neutral
in life’. It’s so interesting to
me to witness these individuals who are one or the other. I’m not coming from a
place of judgement at all, merely observation. I personally don’t understand
how someone can be happy all the
time, neither can I understand and relate to an individual who literally cannot
seem to find the positive in absolutely anything, ever. What I have learnt
however, is that it is ok to let go of anyone who no longer fulfils you on your
journey, whether temporarily or on a more permanent basis.
On this incredible ride I have been on the past year, I have had
to acknowledge and deal with circumstances which have not been simple and
effortless but rather challenging and quite taxing, a lot of which have
involved taking a good hard look at the people in my life. I am the type of
person who enjoys being friendly to everyone, sometimes giving a lot more of
myself to the relationship than what I get back in return. At one stage, not so
long ago, I felt like I had close on 50 ‘good’, close friends whom I would
invite to anywhere I was organising something fun. Did they all pitch or even
bother to rsvp? Of course not. Did they invite me to wherever they were going –
not often no. Did they call me on my birthday or to even just check in and chat
out of the blue? Well now the list was seriously starting to diminish. So why
was I always giving of myself to these people and constantly seeking their
attention? Well, that’s something I am still trying to figure out.
It is however such an eye-opening experience realising that you
are ok on your own. Learning to enjoy being by yourself and loving yourself
isn’t straight-forward but it’s only when you know who you truly are and what
you honestly want from life, that you begin to see how having the right people in your life can truly
benefit you. It was tricky for me to simply let the others go, one because I
thought they were my friends, but two because I didn’t want to hurt them. Ridiculous right? Friendship is
not a numbers game. It’s not a competition to see who has more or who has the
most people rock up at a birthday. If you only ever have one true, good, honest
friend in your life but who knows you and loves you and develops you, then you
are blessed. And I am definitely blessed with the friendships I have today,
even though I have relocated to a different country and will probably only see
those people three times a year.
It is this which I took with me when I left. Knowing that I have that support and
unconditional and unwavering love from my friends and family was what drove me
through the process. Starting out in a new country will also have its
challenges – you have to start all over again with new friendships and building
new relationships. But luckily this time around, I know who I am and I know
what I want from my life. So yes I may meet people along the way whom I will be
friendly with, but if there isn’t that bond, and that reciprocation then why
give to the relationship more than you should right? Not everyone gets the
chance to start life over, to sail with the wind in a completely different
direction. Why ruin that chance by making the same choices which led you to a
bit of a dead-end before.
There is so much opportunity in Zimbabwe which not a lot of people
realise. I’m not talking work-wise or money-wise (even though that is true as
well); I am talking about the type of lifestyle you have available to you to experience
and the beautiful friendships you have the potential to make. When people get
together at family gatherings, dinners, braais or whatever it may be, the
conversation isn’t solely about what so-en-so saw so-en-so doing and the gossip
from the weekend. It’s about reminiscing on over twenty years of friendship,
laughing with each other because you know each other so well and joking about
the small things in life. Here, solid friendships aren’t built in nightclubs
and social events, work or the gym. They are built because you experience LIFE together and tackle things as a
unit. I think Zim going through its rough patches has actually done wonders for
families and friends because those who are still here, really want to be here
and want to see it work out. They want to start their own families here because
they know the type of childhood there is to have and to experience. I was at my
boyfriend’s folks place this weekend and was playing with his nephew in the
garden. What was so awesome was to hear how this little boy’s dad grew up in
the same house, climbed the same tree and nearly drowned in the same pool! How
amazing that one house can hold so many memories that generation after
generation get to relive some of the experiences and make their own similar
memories which will be treasured forever?
Zim truly has stolen my heart. No, it has not been easy adjusting
but it’s been a lot easier than I had expected and completely manageable. Small
things take a lot of getting used to. For one – the heat. What struck me the
most was walking into a grocery store on a scorcher day and seeking out that
beautiful cold bottle of water to drink to try and quench your unquenchable
thirst. You make your way to the fridges, open the doors and as you grab a
bottle, this overwhelming sense of disappointment takes over as you realise how
warm the bottles are. In true Denise style, I move all the front bottles to the
side and hunt for one at the back, praying it will be cold but no such luck.
This place is so hot that even the fridges can’t stay cold! But alas, I love
it. Waking up to the sun coming up early and feeling that delicious heat on
your skin is unique even for someone who used to live in Durban. Another thing
which really does sometimes get to you are the power cuts. Just when you have
prepared that beautiful cake to be baked or dinner to be cooked, off goes the
power. The most common sound in Zim is that of a generator and to be honest it
has become quite soothing! Even with all the power cuts, you make the best out
of a somewhat tricky situation. Sitting around a table lit with candles,
actually talking to each other instead of watching a movie or that series
you’re both addicted to, makes you realise whether or not you are with the
right person. My boyfriend and I talk for hours in the dark, laugh and mare
each other – bottom line is, we make the most of the time we have together.
I still have so much to experience here and that for me is one of
the best things in my life right now. Whether it be driving past the guys
playing checkers on a painted tree stump, the man selling airtime on the street
corner who dances and sings as you drive by, the incredible lack of road etiquette
(you thought SA was bad with the taxis,) the potholes, the boreholes, the
generators and invertors, Zim has something to enjoy or to marvel at for
everyone. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea – not everyone likes tea anyway! Give it
a chance – you just might like it J
In love and light,
Denise
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